понедельник, 20 октября 2008 г.

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A friend from high school agreed to adopt Clarissa Iapos;m not entirely sure when heapos;ll be by to get her, but now I know for a fact sheapos;ll be in a loving home, and I wonapos;t have to take in a new rat to replace her.

Oliviaapos;s hind paw is actually starting to look better, and her fur is growing back. Her breathing is still labored, but I think there might not be anything I can do about that. At least, not without taking her to a vet. Liv has been back in the cage with Belle and Penny since yesterday, and before that I had her isolated on a bed. I switched Claire with Liv, and Claire is on the bed now. Iapos;m glad my friend is adopting her. He said he could relate to her in the sense that he was a good person (or in her case, rat) but often had difficult socializing.

On to other news, because I promise I didnapos;t take a near twenty day hiatus just because of my rats.

My grandmother died. Iapos;m not entirely broken up about it, as Iapos;ve not seen her for about ten years. To be very honest with you, Iapos;ve no recollection of her appearance. She was my fatherapos;s mother, and at his request my entire immediate family kept away from his parents and siblings. I can understand it to an extent really; his father was abusive and an alcoholic who would wake him and his siblings up at odd hours of the night and have them see what heapos;d done to their mother. His mother was a drunk as well, and a heavy smoker. From the little I know about my fatherapos;s childhood, his mother was generally too intoxicated to care for him or his siblings, because from what Iapos;ve heard he was raised mainly by his older sister and brother. None of my paternal grandparentapos;s children, and I sadly do include my father in that, turned out well. To the best of my knowledge theyapos;re all drunks, smokers, deviants, or a combination of the three. I spoke with my mother a few nights back, and she told me that she, my father, and my younger three siblings all went to the wake, funeral, and a get together at an auntapos;s house. My sister told me that my father read the obituary out loud from the newspaper the day after the funeral, and snorted when he read "a loving mother and grandmother", denouncing it as "a load of bull shit" and storming off. I feel bad really, to be more upset about my petapos;s failing health then the death of my grandmother, but to be totally honest I doubt she even remembered who I was. In fact, I wouldnapos;t be surprised if none of my relatives at the funeral or after party realized I was missing. I lived about five blocks from my paternal grandparents during high school. I never saw them once. In contrast I lived maybe two or three miles from my maternal grandparents (again not a long distance, but further away than my other set) who were also at least a decade older than my fatherapos;s parents, and saw them weekly if not more.

I think thatapos;s it for now, though Iapos;m still not done with my updating.

Yours and such,

Merri

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воскресенье, 19 октября 2008 г.

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I went to see W with Paul and Ray this afternoon.� It was about what I�expected - nothing new to anybody who has been paying attention in the last few years, and could be of use to anybody who hasnapos;t.� But anybody who hasnapos;t been paying attention isnapos;t likely to see it.�

We went back to their house afterward but I�only lasted about 20 minutes.� Mike moved out and rented a steam cleaner to clean the carpet in his room and offered to do the whole upstairs.� Remember the chemicals that made my sinuses bleed last week?� Ugh.� Paul followed me back here and we spent the evening denying Bosco access to the hummus we were snacking on and watching Sarah Connor Chronicles.� My head still hurts.� I�feel like somebody is stabbing me in the eye with an icepick.� Blah.� I am really afraid that Iapos;m going to inherit all of my motherapos;s allergy problems.� Iapos;ve had a general uptick in symptoms in the last few months, and now I�seem to be hypersensitive to everything.� Open enrollment for benefits starts this week, so I�hope Iapos;ll have a new doctor to see in January.�

In other news, I realized this afternoon that my drivers license expired on Thursday.� Whooops.�

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�So I havenapos;t posted in like four days. That saddens me a bit but the last few days have been both busy and amazing. So time to update the readers:
Thursday was the tech rehearsal for the choir show and it went until 7:30 pm, meaning no time after I got home to post.
Friday was school, then I came home and had about two hours to myself until my friend Heather came over to do my hair and make up for the first performance in the Choir show. The show was phenomenal that night and I took some rad pictures[view myspace]. Then the rest of that night was spent with an amazing boy named Allen. I donapos;t care what he says. I will refer to him as my boyfriend. Yes I will. And let me just say that that night could not have been any better.
Saturday was my second performance. Heather and Allen came over to my house that afternoon while Heather did my hair and makeup. Allen was just on youtube the whole time. But anyways, that show was maybe the most amazing Fall magic performance our school has ever had. Even my choir teacher said so, so that is a big deal. I didnapos;t even mess up once. An Allen went to that show, and he liked most of the stuff. He brought me roses on friday <3
Then today was spent with Heather and Allen. AT different times in the day, of course.
My life is beyond amazing. I donapos;t mean for that to sound full of myself but I have never been this happy before.

And I am in love with Allen. So ridiculously in love. <333333.

<3,
Gabie aych.

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суббота, 18 октября 2008 г.

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Darling realised I let out a loud sign yesterday and he immediately asked me what happened.. Seriously.. I dunnoe where to start.. So I just said.. "nothing".. Actually there are many things on my mind.. Although my eyes are on the TV screen.. Iapos;m thinking about other stuff.. I guess what I am worrying now is my Stats quiz.. I donapos;t think I have ever failed a psych�quiz before. I wonder will it happened this sem. :( Also, I have not been doing any solid work.. I treat my projects like "dirt". Is like I simply dun give a damn anymore. I just want to party and get the fun which I deserved many many years ago. But then again.. Iapos;m not enjoying the process. Iapos;m so contradicting.. I want fun so much yet Iapos;m feeling so bad..

Iapos;ve been sleeping alot.. I know I can wake up.. But I still continue to sleep till I have a headache.. I just want to avoid the issues Iapos;m facing now. Arghz Although I love school, school always gives me some problems which I think I can never handle. School makes me love myself less. I wonder if this is just the Singapore education system?

I guess the only reason why I am staying in�Singapore is my friends, family, love and Hash.

I feel so useless... Because I love to escape. Well, if it is less hurting, why not?
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пятница, 17 октября 2008 г.

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The miracle of today is this: Itapos;s the first day on my calendar that doesnapos;t have ANYTHING WRITTEN ON IT
Iapos;m going to celebrate it by playing on the computer (and maybe doing dishes while listening to Sabriel as read by Tim Curry).

That blank space is a small square of peaceful zen amid the busy chaotic calendar of my life. And Iapos;m going to enjoy it

Next Tuesday and Friday are the only other squares that are empty.
That makes 3 squares blank, 28 squares full, full, full

Having ArtGrrlapos;s soccer games end (tomorrow) will help a little, but, really, only a little bit.

The next three weeks are going to be another marathon of activities.
3rd Sat. At the UMFA for kidapos;s art projects (for fun), Feed the Missionaries, Trick or Treat at the zoo, Stake Talent Show, Occupational Therapy Evaluation for ArtGrrl, Ward Trunk or Treat, AND Halloween just for a start, not to mention I have 3 pages of items to remember, announce, give, call, copy and/or e-mail for Young Womenapos;s all just for the next three weeks.

BUT, today.
Today I slept in till 9:30am. :)
Today I am not going to think about any callings.
Today I am going to relax and not worry and not think.
Today I am going to play with my World of Warcraft world (and MAYBE do dishes)
aaahhhh....zen day
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четверг, 16 октября 2008 г.

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Pet-sitting Jaimeapos;s cat Snuggles is proving interesting...and painful. Snuggles is a very timid cat so sheapos;s hard to get near and if you move too suddenly she freaks out and attacks. Exhibit 1 - my clawed right arm and middle finger where she slipped off the weights bench and stuck her claws into me so she wouldnapos;t fall. She also loves to hide. The night before last I was awoken by a lot of banging and I discovered her in the bottom cupboard of the china cabinet yesterday morning. Last night I put elastic bands around the door knobs so she couldnapos;t get in there and I was woken again at 4.30am this morning from the sound of her trying to get in. When I finally got up, at a reasonable hour, I went hunting for her to make sure she wasnapos;t trapped inside the cupboard and discovered her hiding inside the empty VB box on top of the beer fridge. The dog is proving much easier to handle - walk and feed once a day and heapos;s totally happy.
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So i think itapos;s about time to update.

iapos;m currently sitting in a free hotel room in jacksonville with british will. We booked at the hilton but they overbooked, so they sent us to the hotel next door for free. Pretty sweet deal.

so we officially are good with jive. Finally. It took forever. Now the hardest part is over.

great timing too because we are in jacksonville to attend an Infusion conference. Advanced applications. Sounds fun.

i had my digital controls midterm. I fucked up on basic stuff. Hopefully iapos;ll be able to stay in the class and not have to withdraw. If i get higher than a 70 Iapos;ll stay in. Regardless, Iapos;ll still keep going to class because I still want to learn.

pattern recognition is cool. We got our 2nd homework assignment. I have two 50 page papers to read and report on IN ADDITION to developing 6 trained neural networks. Iapos;m looking forward to it.

after the infusion conference tomorrow, i get to give a training webinar from the hotel lobby. That should be fun.

then we head to the tree house hostel in georgia where I get to do some much needed thinking/relaxing/partying. My life is like one giant party. Party on wayne. Party on garth.

i think what iapos;ll miss the most is my darling little asian. Thereapos;s that smile :) i shall be back on friday to cause more havoc because Sheri is coming into town. Yowhee

thats about it. I would say the coolest thing about this whole trip is that itapos;s paid for with company money. Money that I have earned. Money I created. So apos;effin cool.

oh, and today steve landed the South Orlando Soccer Club for the sports posters. So now both businesses are doing exceptionally well. I love life.

hopefully this will inspire a few of you. You can do whatever you want. You just need to know how to ask
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среда, 15 октября 2008 г.

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Iapos;m back in Carrollton after my lovely fall break last week, and itapos;s a little hard getting back into the swing of things over here.

Last week, up until Wednesday, I tried very hard to get as much homework done as I could, since I knew I would not have my computer until Monday afternoon (when I returned). It kinda sorta worked, so I wasnapos;t stressed about homework during the break. Thursday I drove home and spent two days with my family. It was really nice to see my dad, who I havenapos;t seen since August. Mostly I stayed in the house doing nothing, but we did go to the Greek food festival at a Birmingham Greek Orthodox church on Friday, and it was very yummy.

I finished my Pueblo Revolt paper on Wednesday, so I emailed it to myself and edited it one last time on Thursday. That was the main thing I had to finish because it was due Monday night. My fair paper was due on Tuesday, which took forever to write. I still donapos;t think itapos;s exactly what she was looking for, but from day one I figured Iapos;d get a B in American Folklife, so thatapos;s what Iapos;m shooting for, lol. Iapos;m pretty confident I can get Aapos;s in my other two classes, so Iapos;m not too worried.

Oh I got my first grad school paper back last night, and I got a 10/10 on it. It was my Inca paper that I was stressing out about a couple weeks ago. He graded more on whether we answered the questions than anything else, and even though I know I got a couple kinda wrong, he didnapos;t count off. Yay Too bad Iapos;m still worried about the Pueblo Revolt paper I turned in last night, lol.

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I absolutely hate being sick. I hate feeling helpless, and I hate just sitting around waiting to get better. But right now what I'm hating the most is being sick and alone in my empty apartment. :( It's not so much that I'm lonely...it's more about having no one to distract me from my own thoughts. And right now, knowing one roommate has already moved out and the other may as well have, some of my thoughts are about them, and about what's going to happen when I move in less than two weeks. I'm sad because I'm such a realist. I don't have any illusions about being able to maintain the same close friendships with people once we're separated by a significant distance. I mean, I know we will still be friends. It's just that I'm sad because I know how hard it is to keep up with people's everyday lives even when they live in the same apartment, so moving two hours away is going to make that even more difficult. Doesn't help that I seem to be hanging onto one friendship by a really small thread and I have no idea how it happened or how to fix it. It especially sucks because the only reason I can think of for why it happened is the best thing that's ever happened to me. And the fact that I'm losing touch with this person in particular, in THIS situation of all the crazy things that have happened over the last year, really sucks. I mean, she SHOULD have told me to screw off multiple times when I messed up, when I wasn't there for her, or when I didn't listen to her extremely wise and loving advice and instead went and did a bunch of really stupid crap. But she stuck with me, promised she'd never stop being my friend because she loves me and wants to be here for me all the time, no matter what. Then, somehow, one weird thing happened and we never figured it out right away and then life just...kept happening. Only it wasn't life together with each other anymore, and we lost touch on all the important things going on and instead were just speaking formalities. Bah. I hate that this has happened, and I hate that I don't even know if that's all it is or if there's more to it. If I somehow screwed up in yet another way, or if I'm just reading this all wrong and we're both just busy but still, at the very core of our friendship, fine. Just busy. I don't know. But I hate it. I hate that I don't know why she didn't respond to any of my texts last night when I was going to the ER -- whether it was because she didn't have her phone with her, or she just had more important things going on, or she seriously hates me. I hate that I felt angry at her and yet, because I was in such physical pain, literally could not try to talk to her about it. Then this morning we cohabited in the kitchen in total silence, she didn't say anything about my being in the hospital, and pretty much didn't even say goodbye when she walked out the door. Why is it that when I'm finally figuring out how to communicate well with one person, I seem to monumentally FAIL at communicating with at least two or three other people? Am I really so incapable of maintaining more than one healthy relationship at a time? Maybe we're both distancing ourselves from each other because we know we're kind of going our separate ways pretty soon. Like, maybe it's not totally intentional, but we still both know it's happening and just can't seem to face it. Gah. I probably shouldn't even be writing this stuff right now. But this is the first time in months that I've felt so completely and totally alone, and when no one seems to be around or available, all I can do to keep myself from crying or just feeling like a big loser is write it out. So...there it is. In spite of my excitement for all the new things happening in my life, things I know are good, I'm really sad about some of the inevitable changes that will occur...especially because of all the disconnection that has already been in progress recently.

And...yeah, fever of 100 and a really, really sore neck and a headache...not fun either. Sick. Sad. Alone. Three strikes. I'm out.



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